Infidelity Counselling in Calgary

Infidelity is probably the hardest marital problem that couples will ever face.

Trust — a cornerstone for all marriages, has been violated. The affair partner is very often conflicted with guilt and remorse compounded with coping with loss of the affair relationship while the other spouse is often in various degrees of shock, disbelief, anger and betrayal.

Often couples are ready to just "give up" as it feels overwhelming for both. Mutual accusations are common, along with "freeze outs" and threats to end the marriage. Couples try to discuss all of the delicate issues around the affair but are normally met with stalemates or escalation.

How Does Infidelity Counselling Work?

Couples are provided with an arena where they can both safely discuss how the affair has impacted them. Counselling allows couples to stay focused and actually hear each other without interruption and challenge. The affair partner is encouraged to take ownership of the affair even though they may feel the marital climate "caused" them to have the affair.

Couples are also encouraged and coached in developing tools/processes to discuss the affair and related issues at home without escalation or mutual blame.

Focusing on Recovering After the Affair

In order for couples to recover from an affair, both partners need to tolerate tough questions being asked about both the "how and the why". A majority of these questions are asked in the first one to two sessions but it is very normal for the other partner (the one who didn't have the affair) to periodically ask "why" well into the fourth or fifth session or even one year later. It is an error for couples to gloss over disclosure and attempt to go right into "fixing the relationship".

In order for true recovery to start, disclosure has to occur. The affair partner, needless to say, must end the affair and completely cut off any contact with the person they had the affair with. All forms of negotiation to cut the affair relationship in vague or ambiguous ways are dissuaded. The person who has had the affair is coached to be clear and decisive in ending the affair.

A majority of the counselling after this point focuses on re-developing trust and improving overall marital satisfaction.

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